a christmas rant

this week i received my first christmas gift. and it was one of the most thoughtful gifts i have received in a long, long time. my coworker approached me with a brown bag. inside the bag was a jar filled with homemade bean soup, hand-canned green beans, and a loaf of homemade bread. along with this gift came the explanation that she had been thinking about me and how busy my life is with work and school. she had heard me complain that i didn't know when or how i was going to get all of my christmas shopping done. so, she made me this meal to use whenever i please so that maybe, one night, instead of worrying about dinner after a long day i could go and get my shopping done. i felt very blessed.

christmas should always be this simple, shouldn't it? but for some reason each year i find my head swirling amongst the lights, glitter, and glam. i always feel rushed to make christmas feel like "christmas." i spend too much money on gifts that will soon be discarded, boxed up, too snug, or out of style. i don't have enough time to give my time. and after awhile i even find that i forget that a little babe was born in a manger to bring peace to this convoluted world of mine. i forget that his beginnings were simple, born amongst animals to poor young parents. i forget that his life was an example of simplicity, relying on God the Father as his daily bread. and i forget that his teaching was simple: love.

my coworkers gift was truly an example of what i believe christmas is, simple acts of love. she gave bread to the hungry and rest to the weary--truly an act of Christ.

this christmas i hope to embrace the simplicity of the season. to start, i give you mary's song. God's gift was all she needed to make her spirit soar. remember that christ has been mindful of us all, let our spirits also rejoice in this knowledge.


mary's song:

"my soul glorifies the Lord and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior,
for he has been mindful of the humble state of his servant.
from now on all generations will call me blessed,
for the mighty one has done great things for me
holy is his name.

his mercy extends to those who fear him,
from generation to generation, he has performed mighty deeds with his arm
he has scattered those who are proud in their inmost thoughts.
he has brought down rulers from their thrones
but has lifted up the humble.
he has filled the hungry with good things
but has sent the rich away empty.
he has helped his servant israel
remembering to be merciful to abraham and his descendants forever
even as he said to our fathers.

merry christmas

hidden tracts

i love hidden tracts on cds. you think your cd is over and then whoops! another song! the best is when the hidden tract turns out to be your favorite song on the whole cd. the whole cd can be good and then the hidden tract boosts it to great. it's like having an "11" on your amp (any spinal tap fans out there?)

recently i discovered a hidden tract that is undoubtedly my favorite song in the whole WORLD. i know that sounds dramatic, but i'm pretty sure it's true. let me think of all the songs i know, just a sec.....................yep, it's true.

the reason why this song is so good is because i can feel it squeezing my heart. sometimes people or places or speeches or sermons or versus do this, and then they become my favorite. if you want to be my favorite, squeeze my heart.

two people who have been squeezing me for quite some time now are my older sisters. i do not say "older" to make them feel bad. i say older b/c to me that means that they have wisdom that i can gain from. they are both very beautiful people, good mothers, involved, questioning, heart squeezing, both in their own unique ways.

on friday night i had these squeezers over for dinner. what a wonderful time. we were supposed to watch a movie but ended up talking the night away, about politics. usually i save political talks for my brothers-in-law or my dad. we get into these heated debates that do not squeeze my heart but actually almost stop it from beating! though filled with love, sometimes i think we disgust each other. and that is why i'd rather stay away from those types of conversations with my sisters.

but, our conversation remained very respectful. though we all have our own views we were able to talk without anyone dying of heart failure. at one point in the conversation my oldest sister said, "how can we have such different views when we grew up in the same household!?" and it IS strange. how can we feel so strongly about things on such OPPOSITE sides of the spectrum?

it got me to thinking. perhaps these kinds of discussions exist so that we humans will keep hashing it out. whether it's on the senate floor or around your own dining room table these conversations are important. they're important so that one day, Lord willing, we will find answers. and so i ask, "how long Lord, how long?" here's my song "Not too Late" i wish you could hear it:

Till we lay these weapons at your feet, Lord
How long, how long
Till we call all hatred obsolete, Lord
How long, how long
Till we walk like lovers thru Bethlehem
How long, how long
Till the lion lies down with the lamb, Lord
How long, how long

Too late
I know it's not too late
To wrestle with this angel
Higher and higher
Don't let go
Higher and higher
Before we know
How does it end
How does it end
We're all riding on the last train
Trying to find our way home again

Till we wash the blood from the hands of our fathers
How long
We're all sisters and brothers, sons and daughters
How long, how long
Our eyes all shine in different colors we cry, Lord
How long
Our dreams our tears are all the same by and by, Lord
How long, how long

Too late
I know it's not too late
To climb up Jacob's ladder
Higher and higher
Don't let go
Higher and higher
Before we know
How does it end
How does it end
We're all riding on the last train
Trying to find our way home again

It's not too late

#2

today is number two. two years married. sometimes i can't believe it has been that long. and sometimes i can't imagine not being married, it's as comfortable as my favorite pair of sweatpants, which, if you know me, means a lot.

our second year has not been quite as eventful as our first. no trips to the bush of africa, no buying of new homes, no car accidents, no frantic job searching. i think we took care of a lot in that first year. this year was kind of put on "cruise control" as we rid our stomachs of african bugs, as we settled in to our new home, as we had fun driving our new jeep off-road, as brett got used to his new job, and as i have been trying to finish up school. but, we all know that when cruising you can't just stop paying attention. you may miss something cool as it whizzes by your window. or you may fall asleep at the wheel and crash and burn.

i've kept my eyes open and this is what i have learned about marriage and my husband in this, our second year. first, forgiveness must be instant. it should become almost like a reflex. that is because most things needing forgiveness are petty, small nuisances. if you can't get beyond the petty, then when catastrophe hits your reflexes won't react quick enough. i'm still working on my forgiveness reflex, but i think it is getting quicker by the day. i no longer scream when i see the toothpaste has been squeezed in the middle.

second, brett and i do not see eye to eye on cleanliness. don't get me wrong, brett is not a dirty person. it's just that i like things a certain way, and brett doesn't always necessarily agree with my "certainty." we have our designated chores and it works out pretty well that whoever does the cooking doesn't do the dishes. but, peace is better had when i just do what i need to do and not force brett to organize his drawers. plus, in recent days i've realized that part of my new found love of cleanliness comes from my long stemming hatred of studying.

third, i need to get my ears checked. i say "what" more than anyone i know. i wear headphones every day at work and i think the last five years are catching up to me. communication b/w a husband and wife can really suffer when "what" is said five or six times in one conversation.

fouth, brett needs to create. it used to bug me when brett would draw in church during the sermon. i found it distracting and, i think ,because of my conservative, strict, calvinistic dutch roots, i found it very "disrespectful to our Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ." But, then i remembered that my Lord and Saviour created brett to create. he thinks best when his hands are moving. i don't always understand his doodles. but i find our conversations about the sermon are much more involved the crazier those doodles are. besides that, brett can get pretty crabby if he hasn't made something in awhile. he recently started (and ended) a painting class. his outlook on life and his attitude towards the everyday was dramatically different. i wish he would paint me something big and red and abstract. but as brett says, "you can't paint abstracts until you learn to paint what you see." thank you, oh wise one of paint.

fifth, my eyes take on a life of their own when i am feeling stress. apparently they roll sarcastically. when i am stressed i must learn to control that roll as it may be misconstrued into me being full of evil thoughts.

sixth, brett is a fine christian man. temptations surround him everyday. i mean c'mon, he works with a group of burly men who gawk at every girl who runs by in spandex! but he finds small ways to share his faith and values in ways that do not insult his coworkers. he chooses not to participate when it would be easier just to give in. these guys question everything he does, but he holds his own and has gained quite a bit of respect. it is very obvious that many of the guys feel "safe" to be themselves with brett. some of them a little "too" safe. he's heard some pretty crazy stories. one man even felt safe enough to bring his sketchbook to work. he wanted to show it to brett after hearing that brett likes art. i thought that was very cool.

i recently had to share my "grace story" with both of my care groups from church. when i got to the "brett part" of my life i summarized it in this way: "many people ask themselves 'what would jesus do?' but i often find myself asking, 'what would brett do?' that may sound horribly wrong, but that is how i know that my husband walks with jesus."

year two. till death do us part. -sn

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leaves

this is the second fall we have spent our house. and the falling of leaves has twice produced what we call, "leaf disasters." when we first moved into our house it was mid-november. all the leaves had already fallen but the previous owners had not helped to rake any of them up. (i should mention here that we have seven oak trees and one maple tree. there are a lot of leaves that fall from those eight trees!) because we were busy unpacking boxes and settling into our new home, we failed to rake the leaves before the first snow fall. all winter long we would gaze out of our windows and imagine all of those leaves decomposing under that snow, killing our grass. something had to be done.

on the first dry day we went to war on those leaves. we spent an entire day raking, bagging, raking, and bagging. but the leaves won. we were unable to get it all done. we ended up leaving large piles of soggy leaves in the corners of our yard. and, b/c the garbage service doesn't pick up leaves in the winter, we were stuck with all of the bagged leaves as well. come spring we had a lot of dead grass. but worse, we had wet, decomposed bags filled with awful smelling decomposed leaves. it was a mess. and we had to start our raking and bagging all over again.

but with our second attempt came a "tip" from a friend. after telling him of our leaf woes and showing him our empty pockets b/c of numerous bag buying runs to meijer, he told us of a place where we could dump our leaves for free! we immediately loaded our jeep with wet soggy leaves and drove to this dump. we were amazed by what we saw--the biggest pile of leaves a kid could ever dream of. it was obvious that many, many people dump their leaves at the free dump. and some of them are apparently very lazy. interspersed amongst the leaves were many grand rapids yard waste bags, just waiting to be emptied and taken! we don't understand why people would buy the bags, drive them to the dump, and leave them there instead of just putting them on their curb, or taking them back home to re-use. but we consider that their gift to us. i sent brett deep into the leaf pile to collect as many bags as he could so that we could use them. we left with 10 new bags.

now tis our second fall season on hall street. the leaves have fallen. and we had our second epic battle over the past weekend. but this year we were a little more organized. first, the leaves were not wet and buried under snow. and second, we exchanged favors with a friend of ours who lives in E. Grand Rapids. they pay really high taxes so that they can simply rake their leaves into the street and have them whooshed up by a big truck. their favor to us was to allow us to dump about half of our leaves in front of their house.

we raked all day long. almost twenty bags went to our friend's house. and about another ten went to the free dump, where we snagged some more bags left by people who don't understand the concept that buying city bags means that you can put them out on your curb. why people? why?

after almost thirty bags and a whole Saturday spent, we are still not finished taking care of our "leaf disaster." but we're getting there. i filled another four last night and probably have another five or six to go. if i go missing just kick around some of the leaf piles in my back yard. i may be buried there. -sn