#2

today is number two. two years married. sometimes i can't believe it has been that long. and sometimes i can't imagine not being married, it's as comfortable as my favorite pair of sweatpants, which, if you know me, means a lot.

our second year has not been quite as eventful as our first. no trips to the bush of africa, no buying of new homes, no car accidents, no frantic job searching. i think we took care of a lot in that first year. this year was kind of put on "cruise control" as we rid our stomachs of african bugs, as we settled in to our new home, as we had fun driving our new jeep off-road, as brett got used to his new job, and as i have been trying to finish up school. but, we all know that when cruising you can't just stop paying attention. you may miss something cool as it whizzes by your window. or you may fall asleep at the wheel and crash and burn.

i've kept my eyes open and this is what i have learned about marriage and my husband in this, our second year. first, forgiveness must be instant. it should become almost like a reflex. that is because most things needing forgiveness are petty, small nuisances. if you can't get beyond the petty, then when catastrophe hits your reflexes won't react quick enough. i'm still working on my forgiveness reflex, but i think it is getting quicker by the day. i no longer scream when i see the toothpaste has been squeezed in the middle.

second, brett and i do not see eye to eye on cleanliness. don't get me wrong, brett is not a dirty person. it's just that i like things a certain way, and brett doesn't always necessarily agree with my "certainty." we have our designated chores and it works out pretty well that whoever does the cooking doesn't do the dishes. but, peace is better had when i just do what i need to do and not force brett to organize his drawers. plus, in recent days i've realized that part of my new found love of cleanliness comes from my long stemming hatred of studying.

third, i need to get my ears checked. i say "what" more than anyone i know. i wear headphones every day at work and i think the last five years are catching up to me. communication b/w a husband and wife can really suffer when "what" is said five or six times in one conversation.

fouth, brett needs to create. it used to bug me when brett would draw in church during the sermon. i found it distracting and, i think ,because of my conservative, strict, calvinistic dutch roots, i found it very "disrespectful to our Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ." But, then i remembered that my Lord and Saviour created brett to create. he thinks best when his hands are moving. i don't always understand his doodles. but i find our conversations about the sermon are much more involved the crazier those doodles are. besides that, brett can get pretty crabby if he hasn't made something in awhile. he recently started (and ended) a painting class. his outlook on life and his attitude towards the everyday was dramatically different. i wish he would paint me something big and red and abstract. but as brett says, "you can't paint abstracts until you learn to paint what you see." thank you, oh wise one of paint.

fifth, my eyes take on a life of their own when i am feeling stress. apparently they roll sarcastically. when i am stressed i must learn to control that roll as it may be misconstrued into me being full of evil thoughts.

sixth, brett is a fine christian man. temptations surround him everyday. i mean c'mon, he works with a group of burly men who gawk at every girl who runs by in spandex! but he finds small ways to share his faith and values in ways that do not insult his coworkers. he chooses not to participate when it would be easier just to give in. these guys question everything he does, but he holds his own and has gained quite a bit of respect. it is very obvious that many of the guys feel "safe" to be themselves with brett. some of them a little "too" safe. he's heard some pretty crazy stories. one man even felt safe enough to bring his sketchbook to work. he wanted to show it to brett after hearing that brett likes art. i thought that was very cool.

i recently had to share my "grace story" with both of my care groups from church. when i got to the "brett part" of my life i summarized it in this way: "many people ask themselves 'what would jesus do?' but i often find myself asking, 'what would brett do?' that may sound horribly wrong, but that is how i know that my husband walks with jesus."

year two. till death do us part. -sn