update

gosh, just watched that video I posted below for like the 700th time and know that i will probably watch it 700 more times. for some reason it gives me hope.

life has been quite extraordinary for me the past few months...extraordinarily stressful. i long for the day when I will feel as if I'm simply cruising through, but knowing myself, that will be exactly the time that I will choose to shake things up a bit again. here's a brief update as to the events that have unfolded in the last while. and for those of you who are thinking, "why is she doing this, like the world even cares!?" trust me, this blog is not for you.

1. june 2, 2008 - started at the DeVos children's hospital. while this has been exciting and i've met a lot of nice people and a lot of wonderful kiddos, it is also probably the scariest thing I've ever done in my life.

2. july 23, 2008 - got a call from my OB at 7:30am while I had just started my shift at the hospital. she had found a "spot" on the ultrasound, an echogenic focus, 98% sure it is nothing to worry about. but, worry I did. cried for a week straight.

3. july 30, 2008 - second ultrasound. doctor was right. nothing to worry about. i learned a few things from this experience. #1 - i already love this baby. it hurt my heart more than anything to know there might be something wrong. #2 - for one week all of the joy of pregnancy was stripped away from me. people would ask me how i was, how the pregnancy was and i would smile and say "fine" but really i just wanted to kick them for even asking me. i felt empty and sad. i tried to keep the words, "the joy of the Lord is my strength" in mind, but really folks, that is a lot harder to comprehend when your joy here on earth has been taken from you. you may gasp, but at least i'm honest. what really kept me going was the fact that I know that God does not make mistakes. what he creates is perfect in every way, even the seemingly imperfect parts. i read psalm 139 every time i started to forget that, which was about 150 times a day. parts of that verse now hang on our nursery wall. of course there is still the risk that baby N. will be born with some anomaly. that risk exists with every pregnancy. but, the reminder that God has given brett and i a perfect gift, a hand-knitted masterpiece, will greet me every day despite any imperfections that we humans make up.

3. august 6, 2008 - changed over to working the night shift. this has, for some reason, been a fairly easy transition for me. i enjoy the night atmosphere. it is slower and gives me a chance to sit down and learn about my patients. i've been able to sleep during the day better than i would have ever have thought. and, on my days off i don't beat myself up over having to take a few extra naps or when i sleep in until 10am. i know i'm preggo and have to take good care of myself. if that means sleeping all the time, so be it.

4. august 24, 2008 - orientation over! taking my own patients. could there be anything more scary than having the little life of another in your hands? i really don't think so. maybe fire-breathing dragons would be more scary...maybe. i've had three nights "on my own." the first night was a disaster for about the first three or four hours. kind of lost control. had people there helping me out, but really felt like I had lost it. the second two nights got progressively better, but i'm sure i've got a lot of long stressful nights ahead of me before i feel any sort of confidence at all.

5. august 28, 2008 - lost my wedding ring. seeing as how i never take the thing off, i have NO IDEA what happened to it.

-sn

the way life should be

stole this from my friend sara's blog. it's just too good. everyone should watch it.

technology and me

i can't say that i am a huge lover of technology. sure, it provides many of life's many conveniences, but it can also be a real pain in the butt. computers? want to throw them out of the window most times. cars? same. all of the modern day kitchen gear? don't get it. a spoon works just fine. but, there is one piece of technology that really blew me away. the ultrasound machine.

brett and i had our ultrasound last week! now, i've seen thousands of ultrasound pictures. my friends and family have all passed theirs around proudly while I took my obligatory polite look and said, "awwww...." don't get me wrong. i think people having babies is fantastic and exciting. but, the ultrasound pictures never really did it for me. until last week. now i understand! when it's your own baby in the picture it becomes a whole different story. suddenly the picture takes on LIFE. you've seen that little hand wave at you from within. if you're lucky, like we were, you were even able to see that cute little head lean back and yawn! so suddenly i am the proud parent. may i present, baby n. (though the machine can even find the smallest of baby parts, brett and i decided to let the sex be a surprise for later. the baby up on a screen was enough excitement for one day!)

we told baby n. to wave for the camera. already SO obedient!

here's something stupid

nursing licensure exams.

one word

i'm supposed to be studying for my board exam, but this seemed more fun. thank you lorraine for helping me keep my procrastinator status :)

Not as easy as you might think!

1. Where is your cell phone? obsolete

2. Your significant other? bretty!

3. Your hair? Nest

4. Your mother? ASS (hee)

5. Your father? Rev.

6. Your favorite thing? markets

7. Your dream last night? pediatrics

8. Your favorite drink? milk

9. Your dream/goal? progressing

10. The room you’re in? messy

11. Your ex? friendly

12. Your fear?

13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? elsewhere

14. Where were you last night? outside

15. What you’re not? virgin

16. Muffins? chips

17. One of yuur wish list items? commune

18. Where you grew up? beach

19. The last thing you did? registered

20. What are you wearing? imagine

21. Your TV? obnoxious

22. Your pets? kitties

23. Your computer? frustrating

24. Your life? complicated

25. Your mood? ok

26. Missing someone? everyone

27. Your car? camel

28. Something you’re not wearing? braces

29. Favorite Store? healthy

30. Your summer? panicking

31. Like someone? everyone!

32. Your favorite color? purple

33. When is the last time you laughed? today

34. Do you cry a lot? unfortunately

35. Who will/would re-post this? ?

there's no mistaking it...

as most of you know, i am "with child," or as brett's 90 year old grandma would say, "PG." december 4 is our official due date. this week we heard a heartbeat which makes this all a little more real. i think brett was beginning to believe my sprints to the bathroom were my attempt to get out of dishes. but, there is no mistaking a heartbeat!

to the woman who almost beat me up on my way to school today,

i truly do appologize for (God forbid) honking at you as you passed me on the right on a one-lane road going about 50 miles/hour in a 25 zone. i know how upsetting a friendly honk can be! i could see the anger blazing in your eyes as you approached my car window (darn that stop light! it was obvious you had somewhere important to be, all you needed was another red light!). i appreciate you letting me know how you felt about the situation. between the explatives i really came to see the situation in a new way. you were right and i was wrong. i truly hope that your day got better and i hope that cute daughter of yours, the one you left behind in your running car, grows up to be just like you some day. take care now!

sara

george clooney move over!

I got the job! Last week there was a little bit of a mishap with my application where I thought someone else had been given my job. A little bit of panic on my part ensued...but that is all resolved now. Now my panic comes from thinking about how much I have to learn with peoples' lives on my hands. Hopefully they won't give me any gunshot wounds on my first day...