God's hands

yesterday i finished up my last exam. now the only thing i can do is wait for the arrival of my letter of acceptance or denial into nursing school. through this whole process i have had many wonderful people cheering me on, encouraging me and praying for me. many people told me that i could only do my best, and that was all i could do. yesterday a number of people said things like, "well, it's out of your hands now!" and i took that to mean that it was now in "God's hands."

that thought should be comforting, right? then why was my first thought, "yeah, that's what i'm afraid of!"

i do not like to sugar coat God. i know that just because i, you, and my mom have been praying for me to get into the nursing program that it might not happen. God may have different plans for me all together. in fact, in psalm 23 it says, "even though i walk through the valley of the shadow of death..." did you read that? it says, EVEN THOUGH, meaning i will spend time in some valleys. i understand very well that sometimes having faith in God means making my way through some pretty shadowy places.

yes, yes i know that the very next line is, "i will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me." but let's face it, no one likes to walk through valleys, unless they are in colorado. and that is why i often feel scared to know that my life is in God's hands. that God, he's a tricky guy sometimes. you think your life is going one way and then wham-o, you're in the valley of the shadow of DEATH!

this morning i woke up with that thought weighing heavy on my whole world. i knew that i had to be prepared for what might prove to be a very disappointing valley. but then i walked outside and found my whole world lit up bright red. the sun was just beginning to rise and the entire sky was a brilliant colour of fuschia. along the horizon an almost too bright streak of orange cut through the clouds like a bolt of lightning. the red clouds above my head looked like rolling waves. and the wet streets beneath my feet mirrored that glorious pattern of colour. for a slight second my breath was taken away.

sometimes i think that God creates things just for me. i believe that this morning God searched my heart, lifted his hands and began to paint. perhaps you saw the sunrise this morning and enjoyed it. but i have to break it to you, that sunrise was not for you. it was for me. those amazing colours and patterns were God's way of reminding me that what he creates is always beautiful. and if he can turn a normally gray michigan sky into something as glorious as that sunrise, then i know that he intends to make my life even more beautiful, valleys and all.

my cup overflows. -sn