fire alarm

fire safety has always been a part of life. remember grade school fire drills? the alarm would sound, the windows would be closed, kids would line up, and out we would all march to our designated spots out on the school yard. fire alarms were serious business until you reached about the 7th grade. then they became something of a joke. i can remember one time being in history class. my teacher was droning on and on about something historical. i started gazing about the room trying to picture which boy in that class i was to marry and i noticed my friend marcus leaning down and tying the shoelaces of the kid in front of him to his chair. that's when the fire alarm went off. now, this teacher was not known for his calm demeanor. so, when he realized that one of his students was tied to his chair during a fire drill, he kind of panicked. he whipped a knife out of his pocket (all the students gasped) and sliced that kid's shoelaces in half. i remember the laces remained tied to that chair for quite some time. marcus got in trouble. marcus was always in trouble.

when i was a teacher myself, in tegucigalpa honduras, i was the one in charge during fire drills. although, i still did not take them very seriously. i worked in a concrete building. everything was made of concrete. it was not going to burn. the funny thing was, half the student body was instructed to walk behind the school down this "corridor of death" between the school and a high towering wall of very dry mountain grass. if anything was going to burn it was going to be that wall of grass. and once, it did catch on fire. during one of my science lessons one of my students raised his hand and said, "meeeees, the hill. it is burning."

honduras was not known for its fire safety. in fact, one time on the island of utila, a building exploded right before my eyes. and i really mean that it exploded. the roof blew off and a fireball the size of new jersey stretched about a half mile into the air. a gas refrigerator had malfunctioned and sparked and well, i've already told you the rest. there is no fire department on the island of utila. it is only about two miles long. the people are the fire department. villagers came from every nook and cranney of that island carrying a bucket. they formed a line to the ocean and started passing sloshing buckets of water up the hill and to the building. the building was lost. it was near christmas and i remember thinking how eery it was to see a charred reindeer standing above what used to be the door...smoking.

a few years ago i spent a month living and working in worthing, england. i lived right along the english channel and would ride to work along the promenade on a borrowed sqeaky bike every morning, the salty air knotting my hair. sometimes, on my way home, the tide would be out and i could ride where the water once was. those were some muddy rides.

i spent a lot of time by myself that month, drinking in pubs, chatting with people along the promenade, taking the train to brighton's shake shop, seeing movies in the old theatres there, just generally enjoying life in a new environment. but mostly, i was there to work.

i worked in the small office building of one of words of hope's partner organizations. one of my first days there i got a tour of the building and was given a complete run-down of their fire safety procedures. i had to practice wrapping myself in a fire-proof blanket and i had to kick through a door that led to a fire escape. yes, i said kick, as in a karate "hiy-yah!" to this day i do not know if those people were just trying to have a little fun with the new girl or if they were actually THAT serious about fire safety. i do know, however, that every other friday there was a practice drill of sorts and all of the doors would start slamming shut, i was told, to contain the fire. if you happened to be walking through one of those doors when the alarm went off you were likely to lose an arm. i often wondered how i was supposed to get out of the building safely when all those doors were being slammed shut. and who would get to wear the fire blanket if there was a fire? on my tour i was only shown one. i could just imagine the chaos in that building if there ever was a real fire...

and now, the present. i am a homeowner. i am a little more concerned about fire safety. BUT, the previous owner's of my house must have been VERY serious about fire safety. there are fire alarms, sometimes two, in every room. in the kitchen, in the dining room, three in the upstairs hall, one in every bedroom, i think the only room spared is the bathroom, where i often burn candles. anyway, all of them seem to be running out of life all at the same time. they all boast "lasts ten years" but that ten years must be up. every night it seems as if another alarm starts beeping its weeriness. "time to change me" it beeps. once every minute. and we cannot get them to stop! we've taken them down and put them in our basement, hoping to distance ourselves from the beeping. but to no avail. i can still hear them beeping as my husband snores away beside me. i know the reason WHY they are beeping. i am supposed to be annoyed enough to go buy new ones (they aren't battery run so i can't just go pick up a few new batteries). but, i will buy new ones when i am good and ready to buy new ones. for pete's sake, we've got backup in every other room!

last night i just couldn't take it anymore. i was trying to absorb the physiology of nueron action potential and was rudely interrupted every minute by the beep of a fire alarm giving me its false testimony. so, brett gave me permission to do something probably every single one of you has dreamed of doing. i went into the garage and smashed those things to smitherines! i have never felt so satisfied. -sn