my pop starts another chapter

on this very day some even number of years ago my father was born. today is his birthday and i would like to honor him here.

when i was learning how to drive my parents both had stick shift cars. so, if i ever wanted to go anywhere i had to learn to find that "sweet spot." my dad's technique was to take me to this quiet street near our house that was on a big hill. he drove half way up, parked, and told me to get behind the wheel. "now," he said, "find the sweet spot." i rolled ALL the way down that hill backwards without ever finding it. "try again" he said. i gunned it, jerked forward, and stalled. "let your foot up easy, listen for it. the car's sound will change when you've got it right." slowly i began to inch my way up that hill.

and so it has gone my whole life. over the years my dad has again and again taught me how to find that "sweet spot." in life, as with cars, sometimes you have to roll backwards in order to move forward. and listening until you've "got it right" will help you inch upwards until you've reached the top of the hill.

but those were just a few of the life lessons that my dad has taught me. now, he never sat me down and said "sara, this is what you need to know." rather, he has put in the blood, sweat and tears to help shape the person i am today.

first, i'm a ghetto child. my dad chose to raise his daughters on "that" side of town. the side where people believed all the city's drugs came from, the side where mother's would not let their sons roam for fear of loss of innocence. it was the side where the BLACK people lived. many of my high school friends' were not allowed to come to my house b/c their parents said it was too dangerous. did that make me dangerous too? i never understood that. i LIVED there! and it was there where i learned to be a neighbor, where i learned to see the beauty that exists in the inner-city, and where i learned to ignore color.

second, coffee. when i was little my dad used to take me on coffee dates. or rather he ordered coffee and i ordered french fries. he did this b/c on Friday nights my older teenage sisters were out on dates of their own and going to football games. so my dad and i, we dated. he would sit and listen to me jabber and would sometimes perform amazing magic tricks with the salt and pepper shakers. and when i tried a trick he would pretend that it was the greatest, most impossible trick he'd ever seen. even when i'd drop the shaker on the floor, he would ignore the sound. lesson learned? i mattered.

third, there is always room to ease up. when i was a junior in high school my boyfriend at the time dumped me b/c his mother said we were getting "too serious." this was very funny b/c we were probably the two most innocent high schoolers to ever date. the most "serious" thing we ever did was almost get swept off of a pier in December while holding hands. anyway, on this particular night i was very late for my curfew...a big no no in the schipper house. i was never late for the sole reason that i had older sisters who had been. but on this particular night i was late and i knew that i was in big trouble. that, on top of being dumped as a 17 year-old, was almost enough reason to take my own life. when i got home, there paced my dad. when he turned around i had already braced myself for the worst. but, instead of a grounding i received his open arms. somehow he knew. lesson learned? rules are there for a reason, but hearts are more important. the next day the boy and i were back together...such is the life of a high schooler.

fourth, i received a letter from my dad when i turned 21, what he considered "monumental." his baby, 21! in that letter he explained how difficult life had been for him when i was born. at the time he was working at a JC Penny but was thinking about moving his family from Bradenton, Florida to Grand Rapids, Michigan where he would attend seminary, be unemployed, and try to be a dad all at once. He said that at the time of my birth he was at one of the lowest points of his life. I was a "surprise." That doesn't seem like the greatest letter to receive from your father on your birthday... but that wasn't how it ended. I'm not going to share the ending because it's all mine and i cherish it as my own. but, what I learned is that sharing weakness is God-honoring. admitting it can show the lengths you would go to love another.

fifth, laughter. when i was in high school i was on the volleyball team and my dad came to almost every one of my games. that in-and-of itself meant a lot to me. but, as a freshman i was a pretty weak player. it took all 87 pounds of me to push that ball just over the net when i served. not only did i have to use my arms, but i had to get my legs into it as well. every time it was my time to "serve" i knew my dad already had that twinkle in his eye and a smirk on his face. i couldn't look at him. after i would serve, the whole place would hold its breath, exhaling only when the ball would just drop over the net. that's when my dad's laugh would ring out. without exception my dad laughed after every one of my pathetic serves. only then could i look up at him and give him that, "holy cow, it went over!" face. i didn't mind my dad's laugh. it taught me not to take myself so seriously. life is meant to be fully enjoyed. my dad does that well and he's taught me how to do it too. and, i'm sure that i looked pretty ridiculous on that court anyway...i laugh just thinking about it.

i could obviously go on, but i'll end simply by wishing my dad a very happy birthday. thank you for teaching me to find the "sweet spots" love you lots. --s