signs of spring

this morning i walked outside into the sunshine and noticed that my tulips have started to push their way out of the still semi-frozen earth. they're awake! spring is on its way...

but this is not the only sign of spring that i have witnessed in the last week. another sure sign is that my neighborhood has come alive. unlike the slow growth of my tulips, my neighborhood explodes into life. people come out of their houses and sit on their porches. kids on bikes zoom through the streets challenging you to hit them with your car. and the noise level raises a notch or two. that and my own excitement for warmer weather makes it a little harder to fall asleep at night. i love these signs of spring.

but there are other signs that i do not love. i do not love the increased amounts of broken glass i find shattered on my sidewalk or the endless chip bags that collect along my fence. i do not love news reports that splash pictures of familiar streets while talking heads describe the latest gang activity, a shooting, a fight at the bus station, the rape of a girl two blocks away who had my same description, young, white, climbing out of her car, alone at night. i do not love the large groups of young men that travel like herds up and down my street. with more people outdoors come more requests for money, "i just need enough for the bus," more requests for rides, "my car won't start and i need a ride to the store," and more requests to do this job or that job around my house, "how much will you give me to do that for you?" i do not love this either.

last night was the first time ever that i decided to drive around the block to avoid a herd of 12 teenage boys instead of performing my usual routine of parking, getting out of my car, greeting the herd, and going inside. something told me to just keep going and i make it a habit to always follow my gut. but this made me sad.

i do not want to be afraid of the city. i do not want biased news reports, reports that only show the bad, to override what i know to be good and fill me with fear. i do not want my first reaction to ever be mistrust. mistrust builds barriers and there are already enough barriers between me and my black neighbors. these are historical barriers that i hope will one day be broken down. my mistrust would do nothing but act as a reinforcement to those historical barriers. but i also don't want to be stupid. and that is why i drove around the block.

i'm very aware that the number of traveling herds has grown in the last year. i see how these groups of young men taunt and threaten others on my street. i listen to my neighbor when she tells me stories of young kids who throw glass bottles through UPS truck windows in broad daylight on their way home from school. i understand that their boldness has grown. my ears are tuned to the sounds of police sirens that tear through my streets, that sound has become more common. my gut tells me that there is a sense of restlessness on the south east side.

but my gut also tells me that i am where i belong for the time being. God lives in restless places and God is alive in me. so, i sweep up glass and pick up chip bags again and again to demonstrate that i believe our neighborhood matters. i plant flowers and vegetables and explain to kids why i do, because they make our street look more beautiful. i talk to my neighbors and together we break down racial barriers. i make my home a place where the kids next door feel safe. it's true that i may have to take the long route home sometimes. but maybe, just maybe, it's also true that my presence makes a difference.

spring is upon us. the signs are everywhere. i pray that i am able to focus on the beautiful ones. -sn