it all blurred into chili

i have never boasted to be the best cook, though i give it a good go sometimes. i have a few choice recipes that really suit me. they always reward me with mouthwatering smells and savorry tastes. when i'm having a bad day i'll cook one of these comfort meals. when i invite people over i will make one of these meals to impress them. but when the sun is shining and there are no guests to grace my table i will often try a new recipe or two. i tend to plan out these experimental meals for days, collecting the wisdom from those who may have their own secrets. add lime juice, they say. try a bit of hot sauce, they'll add. let it sit for three days, they'll advise. i usually don't go for those "sit for three days" type recipes. i'm more of an instant gratification type.

tonight i tried my hand at meatloaf. it may seem surprising to you that i have never tried to cook meatloaf before. it was even surprising to me, in fact. the other day when i asked my sisters for meals to cook for breastfeeding women and one of them mentioned "meatloaf" i had to scratch my chin. yes. meatloaf. perfect.

since then i have been going over the simple recipe, checking and double-checking the ingredients. what must be said here is that i am scatter-brained shopper. it must be some sort of learning disorder. my brain refuses to see everything on the list. i will have my carefully written out list in hand and it never fails that i will forget one or two of the essentials on my list. i usually have to return to the store one or two times in order to complete the recipe. this time it was twice. first i forgot the evaporated milk. then i forgot the brown sugar.

finally, at 5pm tonight I was ready to roll. i rolled up my sleeves. i washed my hands. i cut an onion. i called my sister to calm my nerves. next, it was time to dig into the meat. i hate touching meat. when i do, i usually can't eat my meal. brett does most of the meat chopping in our household. but, today i was ready. i mean, i had been preparing for this for like a week! i grabbed the meat out of the fridge and opened it. to my surprise i saw that instead of buying ground beef i had mistakenly bought ground beef STEAK, which is different. i had beed tricked by the sale.

i decided to forge ahead. i found that i could rip the meat apart and that it started to take on the appearance of regular ground beef, just in larger chunks. it was disgusting. i added the egg, the evaporated milk, the onion, and the staple: oatmeal. in went my hands, squishing the meat until my head felt woozey. i quickly formed the small loaves and threw everything in the oven. then i washed my hands seven times.

brett came home then and i told him all about my adventures with the meat. those stories always gift me with that toothy grin and deep laugh. brett was genuinely excited for the meatloaf. bless him. he's been on the bad end of my experiments before.

beep, beep, beep, beep. just as the potatoes were ready to climb out of their steamy whirlpool, the meatloaf was done. that never happens! what good timing. i fixed up our plates, filled our water glasses, and asked brett to pray. sometimes brett's prayers are longer than expected. tonight i felt like i had to keep peaking at him b/c i couldn't believe he was still going. perhaps it's because of the meatloaf. it looked so good under my nose. amen. finally.

the first bite was awful. the second bite was worse. by the third bite i was done. brett kept trying to ask me if i had followed the recipe. "did the recipe give you a time," he said. "yes, " i said. "did you follow the time," he asked. "yes, " i said. "well, it seems...i don't know." we agreed it was gross and cleared our plates for their bath.

thanks to brett the meatloaf has been turned into chili. as he was killing it he looked over to me and said, "let's never eat meatloaf again." amen brett, amen.

i guess my breastfeeding friend will just have to go hungry tonight. --SN